If you feel like you think longer and more about negative comments and conversations than positive ones, you're not alone. This is because, as Judith and Richard E. Glaser Narrator in the Harvard Business Review, that the hormone produced when we encounter criticism, rejection or anxiety stays in our bodies much longer than the hormone produced when we receive positive comments and participate in positive conversations.
When we are part of a negative conversation, the hormone cortisol is released. This applies when we are exposed to e.g. criticism, rejection, fear or if we feel marginalized or minimized.
Cortisol causes us to become more reactive and sensitive, and often we perceive judgments and negativity to be even greater than they actually are. And this effect can last 26 hours – or more. cortisol also affects our memories and magnifies the impact the experience has on our future behavior. And to make it even worse: the more you think about it, the longer the effect lasts.
Positive comments and conversations, on the other hand, produce another hormone – oxytocin – also called the happiness hormone. Oxytocin makes us better at communicating, cooperating and trusting others. But oxytocin leaves our body much faster than cortisol, so the effect is far less dramatic and lasts much shorter.
This is an insight that is important for everyone – but perhaps especially leaders – to understand. Because our actions and behavior affect the chemistry of everyone around us. Either positive or negative.
Conversational intelligence (C-IQ) is a person's ability to feel connected and think innovatively, empathically, creatively and strategically with others. As I said, negative behavior increases your cortisol level and thus lowers your C-IQ. Behavior that increases oxytocin levels, on the other hand, increases conversational intelligence.
The pair investigated how managers thought they performed in relation to the two different ways of behaving and asked them to rate how often they used the following 10 types of behaviour:
Where 1-5 are oxytocin-inducing behaviors, 6-10 are cortisol-inducing behaviors. As the pair write, the good news is that leaders seem to use positive oxytocin and C-IQ promoting behaviors more than negative behaviors. But at the same time, the study also showed that most, 85 %, also sometimes act in ways that could harm both specific interactions and future cooperation. When leaders use both types of behavior, it creates dissonance or uncertainty in employees' brains, raising cortisol levels and reducing their C-IQ levels.
The authors emphasize that these results do not of course mean that one cannot make demands for results or give difficult feedback. It's just important to do it in the right way so the recipient feels included and supported, to minimize cortisol levels and hopefully stimulate oxytocin instead.
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