Assertiveness is about habits and beliefs

AJ Harbinger from Art of Charm, who teaches people self-confidence, argues that increasing self-confidence is largely a matter of learned tools and beliefs. And the more you practice these externally, the more it will affect your self-esteem.

But how do we become more sure of ourselves?

Research indicates that a good night's sleep plays a significant role - both for our energy and our self-image. Exercise, meditation, reading and even looking good/feeling good physically are also small things that all stimulate our self-confidence and self-esteem. Finally, it can be useful to structure one's everyday life with an agenda, so that we can achieve satisfaction by completing small goals on a daily basis.

But when we have to speak or give a presentation in front of others, it's just not necessarily enough to be confident in everyday life, and fear of public speaking even tops the list of the things we humans are most afraid of. In particular, the fear of making mistakes, receiving negative criticism, being judged, being embarrassed or being rejected applies.

The nerves must be controlled, not eliminated

Darlene Price, a communications coach, author and president of Well Said Inc., a company that trains people to speak in front of others, claims that presenting "it's not about getting rid of the nerves, it's about controlling them" (source).

So you don't need to have sky-high self-esteem to be able to act confidently in front of others. There's nothing dangerous about feeling nervous, it's just a matter of hiding it. That's why it's useful to learn how to approach a presentation relaxed, even if we're nervous.

11 tips to relax before a presentation:

1. Prepare yourself: Research the topic and feel confident about the content.
2. Know the surroundings: Research what kind of room and what environment you have to present within. It is e.g. unfortunate to be surprised that there is no possibility to connect your computer, or that there is a wall between you and half the audience.
3. Practice: This is the golden rule. It is especially effective if you practice in front of an audience. Possibly. record yourself and listen to your presentation several times.
4. Visualize your success: Mentally go through your presentation, see yourself acting with confidence and poise, and imagine the audience receiving your statements well.
5. Know your audience: Find out what people expect from your presentation. If possible, it is a good idea to arrive in good time so that you can talk to a few participants about their expectations. That way you have both knowledge and a few familiar faces you can look at during the presentation.
6. Talk positively to yourself: Replace negative thoughts with affirmations. Tell yourself that you are well prepared and ready, that you are in control of your presentation.
7. Exercise lightly and breathe deeply before the presentation: Be sure to stretch or do some simple physical exercises with your body before the presentation. A walk is also a good idea. Breathe in deeply through your nose while counting to three, and exhale through your mouth while also counting to three. It feeds your brain with oxygen.
8. Remember these three things about your audience:
   1) They think you're an expert, so don't let them change their mind.
   2) They want you to do well, so they're already on your side.
   3) They don't know when you're making mistakes, so don't point them out.
9. Memorize your introduction: The start of a presentation brings with it an adrenaline rush. Therefore, learn the first few sentences by heart so that you can deliver them automatically and take full advantage of the rush. It allows you to appear confident from the start.
10. Smile: Genuine smiles trigger a chemical reaction in the brain that calms your nerves and increases your sense of well-being. Furthermore, it shows that you are happy to be with your audience and happy to deliver your message.
11. Be aware that you don't look as nervous as you feel: Remember that your audience cannot see what is going on inside you. They can only see what you show them yourself. You can therefore create an image of credibility, empathy and impact yourself.

(Source)